Jul
23
Dear Ella,
I read somewhere that if parents knew how much trouble their children would be in the early weeks compared to the first couple of days in the hospital, they would never bring these children home. In this, you are spookily on target. Here are some of the varied ways in which we have attempted to calm you down over the past 2 weeks and a view on what works.
Swaddling – This generally doesn’t work, because (1) you hate it with an all-consuming passion, and the accompanying cries go right up the decibel level to ear-splitting, cat-running, paint-chipping propotions and (2) you are some sort of Houdini, or collarbones develop later, or the next stage in evolution are arms that have 360 degrees of motion in all dimensions; somehow they always pop out and then you bash yourself with them, and thus wind yourself up further.
Shushing – This can sometimes work, but only if you do it really loudly, for a long time. Which is harder than you think — try it, very dehydrating! Or it doesn’t work at all, and really gets you going. Even odds, actually.
Swinging – This can stop the crying, as you try and understand what is happening. Unless your eyes are closed (which is usually the case when you are crying), in which case it really doesn’t work and makes you spit up.
Sucking – This slows down the crying pretty well, but I prefer when it is your finger rather than mine. If mine, said finger can’t be removed for the next 90 minutes. Rest assured, when we feel that a dummy won’t interfere with your feeding, it will get stuck in.
Stairs – The only option with good odds. You get me to take you up and down stairs. Down is generally better. I’ve estimated that I now do about 498 steps a day. (And about 60 a night). Often you fall asleep before first set is done, but wake up and resume crying should I stop. Stairmaster is now on order, legs and knees have put on 10 extra years in 2 weeks. I suspect the right knee will give any day now.
Luckily, we can always get you to sleep by doing all of the above, together, continously, until you pass out. I suspect one day soon, we will pass out first.
Obviously, this is an exaggeration. The scary bit is how slight an exaggeration it is!
Is it wrong to look forward to the teenage years already?
Love,
Your dad, who if he really knew what was good for him, would be napping with you, rather than writing this.
p.s. Good thing you’re cute!
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